Hearing that we’ll be quitting soon, I don’t wanna be a dropout who just dropped out and ended everything. No. I feel determined to continue, lessons or not.

Back to reading stuff on guitar websites… I’m gonna regret doing this but maybe, just maybe, it’ll work and knock some sense into my head. I have no idea if a miracle will just happen like that but I hope it will.

Why am I doing this?

Once we quit guitar lessons, we’ll never be able to go back because the teacher might not be so nice to you. He’ll probably ask you why you wanna join again and if you don’t come up with an answer, he’ll never let go. Yeah, so I guess that’s why I’m doing this for the sake of not wasting money and wasting our time. I don’t want to hate guitars for the rest of my life because I was a drop out.

Yes, maybe you don’t care if you quit or not but I strongly disagree with dropping out then just leaving it there. What will the guitar do after that then? Sit around and rot? Get blamed for being such a stupid thing? Won’t you miss it now and then? Even if you don’t, just a little? Slowly, you’ll think back and wish you didn’t stop. You worked for something you wanted to do badly but not hard enough and you just quit like that?

I think I don’t want that to happen to me. I’m still dreaming of that sleek and black, acoustic and rhythm Takamine guitar in Seb’s hands and that Fender guitar with the delicious looking logo on the headstock. I’m still wondering when I’ll be able to slide my hand up and down the guitar neck smoothly like Jeff and playing songs I love to listen to and me, making nice music with that acoustic guitar we have.

Is that what I really want until I don’t want to let go or let it be another wasted effort?

Many people may find it easy to learn from the internet. No, I’m not them. I don’t understand what the hell is going on and what everyone is trying to tell me. I’m planning to re-read them. I have to understand it or I’ll get more pressure. I find this harder than studying, actually. There’s so much research to do and so many things we have to learn to understand.

Well, if the teacher had put more effort, we would be continuing and playing songs like a genius. Isn’t that why teachers are here? To help their students master what they want to do and grant their wishes? No. Newt isn’t. He’s here to pretend to teach us and get the money. I don’t know what he’s doing on Earth because all I know, he’s acting like a grain of rice sitting there. He’s not here to help his students or teach them something. He doesn’t care if they have interests or anything because he’s already gotten his wish. He can play the guitar anytime he wants while changing chords swiftly and play it while looking at the sky.

He starts the lesson late and ends it ten minutes before the right time. What does he really do in class? He asks us to practice whatever he taught us, the week before. He leaves the classroom and goes out to chat and laugh with his friends while we’re inside playing the same thing over and over for twenty minutes. He comes back in to make sure we got it right then he continues to the next lesson. He teaches whatever it is until we get it. He asks us to practice the new thing and goes out. He comes back with a big puff of smoke which immediately stinks up the whole room, suffocating both of us. He corrects our mistakes and jeers at my fingers which aren’t curling in the right way. Sometimes, he’ll bring in his own guitar and show off his stupid skills while we’re practicing. Yeah, we know you’re so god damn smart already. He asks us to pack up because it’s already time. We look at the clock and it’s always five or ten minutes before the class even ends.

Don’t even bother asking us to look for another teacher because there aren’t any who will accept two students at a time. They say our levels are different. Right. That reminds me of art class last time. We were told to sit away from each other because we couldn’t be sharing paint forever. When I heard that, the first word that came to my mind was – NO.

Sure, I hate practicing but that doesn’t mean I don’t like playing it. It just sickens me to think about practicing and all that stress everyone is putting on us. The world is getting heavier with all that. I like playing but I will like it even more if I can play songs. And yes, I know what everyone is gonna tell me after that. I know everyone is desperate for us to play songs but……

I don’t even think I’ll read all those stuff again since nobody really cares though I would love to play a song for you if I could. I don’t think we’ll let it go like that. Though, honestly, I don’t think anyone gives a shiz.. it’ll probably become another wasted effort. I think I’ll just keep dreaming on.

Every day is the worst day ever.