Spuddy Buddies

the first one is the worst one when it comes to a broken heart

I've been thinking.

About them. About how we're going to ambush them. About how we're going to stalk their hotel.

And I've been getting head rushes just thinking about Nick. I know I'm a little nutty. But I'm one to believe in fairy tales and magical stories and I guess I just believe strongly. And I believe that I will see Nick up close one day be it when he's 60 and no longer in the band or within the next few months. Either way I will.

OMG, I've been dreaming about getting their posters and putting it up beside my other posters. Rad dreams. Hope they come true. Fingers crossed all the way.

I have not been distracted by them. Believe me, it's other things that's making my head spin.

I would drop out of school to jam in garages but that's not how things work here. I would gladly take loooong field trips to wherever instead of studying. I swear, we learn so much more when we're not trapped in school. What exactly do you learn in school? You don't learn any people skills nor ways to console people nor ways to deal with death nor ways to just believe. All you do is study and take exams. Is that what life is really about? I don't really think so. You might think differently and I don't blame you but I'm really not one to be restricted by school rules or just about any rule. Not saying that I'd break the law but seriously if there were no laws in this world, I'd throw a few good punches at some who just deserve it. Still, I don't think any religion would approve of such barbaric behavior.

I will always struggle to understand because I feel the need to know why. I think WHY is the most important question everyone should ask themselves once in a while. Most people wonder WHY out loud. Can't you think before you ask? It gets annoying when you find out that those people haven't bothered to think of a reason before asking. Sometimes, just step back and ask yourself questions. Take time to renew yourself (not quoting Kanye or anything) so that you change with the time.

I know most of the time it's really difficult for people to change their ways. Take my dad for example. He doesn't understand some things like why me and C want to go to concerts and such. Unlike my mom who has always been a sport. She gets it. She gets why sometimes I refuse to do things and why sometimes I feel this or that way. And she even accepts the music that we listen to now (we might have had something to do with convincing her but still..) and is willing to just have a good time with us when our favorite bands come to town. She's even going, "I used to be love drunk but now I'm hungover.." because the radio has been playing Love Drunk frequently. My friends' moms are sorta uncool because they're so rigid. Dude, things are changing, you gotta tweak a lil bit. No one is asking you to wear tight ass jeans or Chris Brown hats and go, "Yo, daaawg, what up, what happenin'?"

Right? Do I make sense?

And I've been thinking of going on a strike. A strike to just flunk all my exams. WHY? Because exams (written ones) are basically papers you sit for and have to do good in so that you can show the whole wide world that you're not stupid. Well, I think that it's stupid. I think it's rubbish to compare results. Don't you take exams to see how far you understand your lessons? Don't you take exams for your own sake not others? Don't you take exams and do the best you can? Because I DO. If so, then why do people cheat just to be better than their friends? Why do people look down on others who don't do well? Why do people expect you to be smart? What if you just don't get that subject? What if you give your best and it's not enough?

I don't want to and never compare with people because we don't share brains. We all have different subjects and fields we excel in. We can't all be good at everything. We're not superhuman. I am not superhuman. People make mistakes. People forget. People panic. People have faults. I make mistakes. I forget. I panic. I have my faults. And why am I to be blamed for these common human mistakes? I'm not God. I'm not perfect. Practice makes perfect is about the lamest line I ever heard. I quote my mom, "Perfection cannot be achieved." NO ONE is perfect. Name one perfect person.

I am who I am and much as people choose to not to believe, I do try my best. I have a guilty conscience which always bites me in the rear when I don't give it my all. During my exams, even when I panic and I can't remember and I'm practically empty in the head, I feel guilty. I feel this need in me to remember something. To write something down even if I don't get it correct. I never leave a blank if I can help it.

I know everyone is always struggling to be the best in everything to compete with their friends to show the world what they can do even if it involves cheating. They're scared to be bad in something. And people never take time off to relax. They're constantly buried in books and I'm not talking about story books. I'm talking about books which contain all the information you're required to remember then spit out during the exams. My friends are panicking and talking about cheat sheets and how they want to be better than someone else. I want to be better (who doesn't want to be?) but I refuse to cheat. I refuse to take part in any idiotic thing that will boost me up just so that I can shove it in my friends' faces and go, "THERE! I'm a SMARTY PANTS and YOU'RE NOT. TAKE THAT! Nanananabooboo."

Then if I don't get what is expected by others, they scold me, lecture me, ask me why I can't be better than my friends, laugh at me, look down on me and God knows what else. All of the above irritate me to no end. I gave it my all and this is what I get in return. An unjust accusation. Unless I really didn't give it my best shot, I will not accept any of those pointed accusations. And I don't even get a chance to explain myself. Even if I do, I'd just end up in tears. Why? Because I can't pick a fight without dissolving into a weak and useless puddle of tears.

Anyways, to my mom, I won't flunk all my exams unless you say that I can. But I still want to do something rebellious that will make history among my prim and proper friends who feel like they will die if they don't excel in a subject.

AND I DON'T TAKE BRIBERY. My parents do not pay me to do well in exams. Even if they did, I wouldn't give a hoot about the reward. I hate expectations.

About what C said about her friend following the herd. I think it's true and I'm really proud of C for having such positive thoughts about it. People, please stop being a follower (except for religion). Start leading. Copying people will lead you to nowhere except someone's ass. Which by the way means kissing ass and that's what a lot of people are doing now. That is a low thing to do and I don't know why anyone likes following.

Why can't people just be themselves? I know a lot of my friends are fakes. They do things just to be cool and to be noticed. Me? I don't do any of that. I am just me which is probably why I don't have a clique. I just go with whoever happens to be there. I don't need my friends to tell me I look good to feel good. I don't need my friends to feel like a cool person. I don't need my friends to hang around me just so that I feel like I'm in their gang. I can do my own thing without having to tag along to someone. I can study alone, eat alone, walk alone, talk to the teacher alone and just about anything else.

Where did all the leaders in the world come from then? Did they follow people till they reached the top or did they do it by themselves or did they step on other people's head or did they have their own ideas and just did what they thought was right? It all depends sometimes, I guess.

And I'm not writing this to enlighten anyone or make them change their minds about anything. It's just my thoughts.

Listening to: 21 Guns by Green Day.

Well, I'm off now. I hit my ideal word count.

Wow. Word count: 1538.

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