This week, I have had several moments. Some bad, some very bad, and some good. When I say very bad, I mean, having at least three moments while walking across campus, feeling extremely exhausted and defeated to the point of wanting to just stop and collapse to the floor. I literally thought, what’s the point of going any further? And wanted to just sink onto the ground and not move. The waterworks might also have turned on in the library twice this week but nobody can confirm that, can they?
I don’t want to talk about the ‘very bad’ today though. I actually want to talk about the bad which turned out to be good in some ways.
I had a phone interview this week for something I applied for (not a job) and it was my first ever phone interview, I believe. And I was calm about the whole thing until the person called. Then I was a word-spluttering tornado who sounded really disorganized even though I had a lot of important stuff to say. The point is, I likely totally bombed that interview. Which sucks, because it would have been nice to not have done that but what’s done is done.
But what I realized after the phone call and in the midst of trying not to replay the conversation over and over in my head to scrutinize (duh) is that I really enjoy talking about what I was interviewed on and I am passionate about that interest. And that solidified yet another layer in my ‘I want to be a teacher’ block.
I want to teach. I want to spread the word, shed light on important things that people should care about, share my knowledge, interact with others, discuss ideas and action plans, help them, help myself.
I spent the next morning in class, coming up with lesson plans on how to teach kids about my topic of interest. And I was shocked at myself because I always told myself that I won’t make a good school teacher. And well, okay, maybe I started decorating my dream office with cool stuff in my head.
This experience has taken me one step closer to realizing my true career goal which is to be a teacher. For that, I’m happy. Maybe I won’t become a conventional school teacher. I just know I want to teach in some way.
Also, I realized that I’m a horrible public speaker. But I try and that’s what matters.