In no particular order, from the start of the journey to the end of the dinner, here are some fun new things I learned from going to a dinner party:
1. Google how to lure a cat closer to you. Apparently, come here, kitty falls flat on cats.
2. Do not panic if you fill your plastic cup and find that there is a gaping hole at the bottom and juice is dripping out like a tap. Instead, calmly look for a trash can and if there is none or you happen to see none because you’re thinking oh my god the cup is leaking and the table cloth is getting wet and this is embarrassing, locate the nearest waiter and tell him the cup has a gigantic hole, shove it into his hand and let him take it from there.
3. Invest in a USB cable so that if you get stuck in a double traffic jam, you won’t have to listen to the crappy songs on the radio. You will not always be so lucky as to score oldies that you like all the way to your destination.
4. Even if you get excited and think oh good this is the perfect chance for me to wear my high heels, stop and think about the possibility of the venue being a sloped hill or on an uneven terrain. Or in my case, have someone like your mom remind you that there is a freaking 75 degree slope and would you be able to walk in those heels. Pick a pair of flats and even if you think dang it, later on you’ll be thanking
the stars Mom that you didn’t wear heels that might have made you trip and cause an embarrassing scene. P.S: When you see other ladies in sky high heels teetering dangerously close to the edge of the slope – insert funny emoticon of your choice here – Here are 2 useable emoticons:
5. Know what your best angle is (because I still don’t know what mine is) so that you don’t have to retake pictures because you think you look horribly unflattering.
6. Stay away from the food truck that has this contraption running and spewing carbon monoxide if you don’t want to get a splitting headache from lack of oxygen afterwards.
7. If it’s a buffet-style party, do not – repeat do not – eat dessert in between rounds of going back to the main course buffet line. Unless you want a stomach ache later on. I bear witness to the ugly aftermath.
8. Jot down everything you want to blog about on your phone or risk forgetting half the things you wanted to say… for example, this post. I made up the list on the way home in my head but when I sat down in front of the computer, I blanked out.
9. Sitting at a table with old folks is totally fine by me (and you too, I hope).
10. I hate lemon custard. I gagged on it. Pardon my manners.