Spuddy Buddies

bring the wheels of time to a stop

I'd really like to keep moving but somehow time has just somehow stopped for the moment. I feel... stuck. In a rut. And I'm going anywhere with this.

I wanted to sink into my dream for as long as possible because I didn't want to wake up to face the fact that you'll be leaving. For a while, yes, but still leaving. And I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe sometimes it's good to take a break from each other but now that you're leaving soon and time is torturing me by hardly moving at all, I'm beginning to reconsider your decision to leave.

About what I said about wishing that today'd be over and you'd go; it's true. I wish today would just be over so that I can wake up tomorrow and let the truth (that you're already halfway around the world) would hit me so hard in the face, I'd have to believe it.

I was carefree yesterday because I simply didn't want to think about today. But somehow C found a way to knock it into my head that today would be different. Today will be bleaker than yesterday. The ride there will probably be normal but the ride home will be different. There'll be silence - I don't expect upbeat chitchat, just silence and maybe the occasional sniff. I don't know. I just know that it'll be awkward.

It's been a whole lot of hell this year, especially for you, and though a break is what you need, I'd rather you spend it with me. With us.

I miss you already.

But most of all, I love you.

x