Spuddy Buddies

WTH movie – Twilight review

Haha. I know. Weird title. Whatever.

Three words to describe it. One, stupid. Two, retarded. Let's count that as one. And what the hell. The title says it all! Not all really.

Don't call me a freaking person who doesn't really know what I'm doing after saying I got a headache. Don't start pointing fingers at me and saying I couldn't really see anything. This is roughly what I saw and I will write two reviews if I have to.

Let me tell you the overall. Half the show, either Edward or someone else were showing the constipation faces. There's something wrong with the cast of characters. Their noses are either too long, too sharp, too flat and so on. And did they bathe in powder before going to act? God. All the characters looked white. Geez. What is with that?! I was nearly blinded.

Disgustingly fake effects. Especially the vampires flying. I don't remember who but they were certainly flying. From strings. Come on. You can totally see the strings or at least see the effect from hanging from strings. And the sparkling, so-called dazzling by all the Twilight lovers sucked. All I knew was, his skin turned even whiter. What is this? Darlie toothpaste effect on skin?

Here's what I think about the characters :

1. Edward - His face isn't really attractive to me so please zoom out from that awful face. What's with the lipstick he put on? Horrible. Next he'll be having eyeliner. His constipation face was really funny. It made Twilight become a comedy. Why was he acting like Terminator? "Come with me if you want to live," I nearly thought he would say. He was smiling half the time too. Isn't he supposed to be the mood swing guy? What's with the smirks too?! Eww! His crappy haircut sucked like.. crap. Haha. 100000000000x UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!
2. Bella - She should seriously become Edward. God. She was such a freaking man. Totally disgusting. With that voice of hers. They should get someone who sounds better and with nostrils that don't flare like manholes whenever they talk. Call me mean but it's a fact. I realised that after watching the movie. The cast on her leg looked like she lost a leg. At least it looked something like that. The prom dress was so ugly. What's with the vests too? What is she? Those act-cool people I see around in town? Yuck. FREAKING UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!
3. Carlisle - Cool father. As in cool as a cucumber. His face was white and scary. He looked friendly and okay otherwise. At least (I should stop saying that) he acted like a father. Acceptable.
4. Esme - I thought she was Rosalie. Oops! She was nice like the Esme in the book. Acceptable.
5. Emmett - Hmm.. he's fat? He didn't look as friendly as the Emmett in the book. His haircut sucks. Common haircut. His Jeep was too tiny. Haha. Not really nice and big like I imagined.. Okay..
6. Rosalie - Wasn't she supposed to be the beauty queen or the most beautiful person? She's ugly. I'm sorry I have to be so straightforward. She acted like some angry old lady. Her glare was ooh.. *shiver* UNACCEPTABLE!!!!
7. Alice - Looks good in the movie but not in real with long hair. She's ok but wasn't she supposed to be the shopaholic or something like that? She didn't even mention anything about shopping.. whatever. Acceptable.
8. Jasper - Um, constipation face. He should really take the angry, sullen look off his face. Slightly. A bit. His haircut is weird. His nose.. er, could've been better. Acceptable.
9. Jacob - Disgusting! Freaking ugly and unsuitable to play the role. The wig was hilarious. Hate the Jacob in the movie, love him in the book. UNACCEPTABLE!!
10. Jessica - Typically Jessica Biel. Her chest was sticking out alot. Acceptable.
11. Mike - Typically Justin Timberlake when he was in N'sync. Acceptable.
12. Angela - She's made of bones only. When I saw her, I thought I was watching some old film. Her glasses are the worst. Okay?
13. Eric - Looks like Aaron Yoo from 21. Haha. Awful crap haircut.
14. Charlie - HELLO, LEAD SINGER OF FOO FIGHTERS. Suitable guy. Nice moustache. I pictured Charlie as an ugly moustache-less farmer. Changed my image of him. ACCEPTABLE.
15. Renee - Didn't picture her so whatever. Acceptable.
16. Billy - Disgusting angry freak. Why did he become a red indian? He drove when he was riding a wheelchair?! Unacceptable.
17. Laurent - Seriously looks like Will.I.Am. Okay.
18. Victoria - Her hair wasn't even red. Red. Red not orange. Okay.
19. James - WASSUP, DAVID BECKHAM?! Haha. Acceptable.

The part when Bella got bitten by James, her scream was horrible, really. After that, she looked like she had fits or something. James just punched her knee and her leg was broken. Hahaha! I died laughing. When they 'ripped out James' head', it was really fake. It was just like breaking someone's neck. Fa-a-a-a-ake.

Suddenly Bella and Edward started dancing in Edward's room. Makes you wanna say, "What the hell?!" Can Bella shut up about how she can't dance? She sounds like some pathetic idiot. "Oh I can't dance", "I can't dance". Will she just shut up?! Go find an instructor then. Nah, just joking.

The script sucked like a piece of bullcrap. I don't know what I'm talking about but it was idiotic and boring. Highly entertaining when Bella tries to make jokes and talks. Stupid conversations! Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Funny. Not! The movie is just making Bella look like a loser trying to fit in. God!

Can they stop zooming in on their faces too..!? Especially Edward's face. Awful, disgusting and spoils your appetite if you watch this movie before you have a meal. His lipstick is unacceptable.

Was it me or did Stephanie Meyer appear in the movie? I thought I saw her in the restaurant scene. Or were my eyes playing tricks?

Conclusion :

You should watch the movie to experience it like me. If you're in love with Edward or whatever, go ahead. Haha. But if you wanna save your money and time, don't. If you haven't read the book, don't. Don't call me names for asking you to watch it. It doesn't suck as much as Quantum Of Solace. You still can't call it wonderful or nice. I found it boring except some parts. Everyone has different views. Don't call me angelic angel or goody-goody-two-shoes because I'm saying what I wanna say.

Peace out.